Florida's Flourish

Back in February Madge sent Florida, the model horse found in her yard while mowing, to Texas. After spending months in the air-conditioned luxury of my room he decided that he was finally going to use that English degree he got years ago - He is going to write a novel! Florida has embarked on a series of interviews to research the types of careers "traditional" (his term, not mine) horses might embark on. He asked me to post parts of the interviews here to drum up excitement about the novel. How could I say no?



Florida's first interview was with Faux Pas. He is the closest thing to a model horse a traditional horse can be: a pet. Pets work sporadically and are over-compensated for what little work they do, as far as Florida can tell. Faux Pas' boss is a young lady named The Q.



The Q recently changed Faux Pas' job description so that he is once again required to do something - other than consume food - at least twice a week. He is not happy:



Florida noticed that THIS work does not look difficult. Trotting in a circle? If Florida's legs moved he could totally do it. Florida thought that The Q had the harder job, actually. Can you imagine trying to keep a horse that weighs almost a ton at the end of a line? "If I weighed that much as you, I'd do what I want," Florida later confided in Faux Pas. Once Faux Pas had all of his muscles loose he gave a couple of bucks. "Hey!" he yelled at Florida, "I love it when the weather changes, do you? Doesn't it make you feel great!? It makes me want to be a colt again and pursue my dreams of rodeo work!" Florida was embarrassed for Faux Pas and tried to look away, but Faux Pas was like a train wreck, and Florida's neck is made of plastic.



Finally, Florida realized why Faux Pas was hired into this "pet" position. He was the best in the business. Not only could he entertain with his eating skills, but he also had a degree in therapeutic interaction and his coat was great for absorbing tears. Faux Pas' advantage though, the reason for the overcompensation, was that he was also as beautiful as a model horse.



After the interview Florida was overheard asking Faux Pas if he had an agent.

A pound of flesh

If anyone is in need of one I have been leaving them about UT campus.

Okay, not quite, but -holy crap! I am losing weight fast!

I'm thinking tapeworm :)

I've lost 15lbs since school started, at what I know is not a healthy rate. I can't complain too much though because I'VE LOST 15 LBS! I'm inching closer and closer to what I weighed on "the misery diet" when Ex #1 and I "took a break" three years ago.

My goal is to lose another 13 lbs. I am more than half-way to my overall goal. This is what happens when you quit working at an Italian restaurant, and start walking 3-5 miles a day around a 'rolling' campus. It also helps a tone that I am not eating late every night.

I've also picked up a riding schedule - MWF mornings. Just half an hour or so until Faux Pas is in better shape - then we'll increase. My sister and I started running last night. I know, at this point who's to say I'll stick with it? But I have a training plan picked out from RunTex , and I'd like to run a 5K. Sara and I are thinking December. The coolest part is that I never got a stich in my side, and never collapsed is a hyperventalating ball of pain - none of the things I am used to when it comes to increased activity. I did some hard-core thinking about breathing, and Sara and I moved pretty slow, but we moved.

I'm sorry you guys are having to miss out on so much. If I had a laptop I'd post more... I don't so I'll just have to try harder.

Happy Birthday Faux Pas!

Yesterday was Faux Pas' birthday. He turned 16. So to celebrate he got some of his favorite food: Watermelon. I cut it up on the tailgate of my truck because I couldn't think of a better use for a tailgate. Really. Isn't it pretty? Faux Pas is a big guy. He can eat a lot. He can eat a lot at once even, as seen here. Thank you Mr. A for posing/helping/risking your hand for this photo.
Waste not, want not: Faux Pas even eats the rind. Yummy!

(I'm not sure if you can see it here, but Faux Pas does not actually ingest much of the melon. Most of it slops out of his lower lip onto the ground. If you look closely here you can see some of the melon-slobber dripping from my hand.)
Happy birthday Boy-Boy, I love you!

LATE NIGHT UPDATES!

Emma is walking around more. She is drinking water more. However, her eating habits have gotten worse. Since Monday she has eaten a bowl and a half of food, when she should have had six. She has been getting more treats to coax her down stairs, or outside, or even to eat something, but I am thinking of changing my plans for this weekend is I can't get her eating normally before Saturday. I had been planning to go to Dallas and pick up some shifts. I miss my North Texas friends so much! I may be going to the Vet's office instead. So much for extra cash...

I expected my family to show some sort of pleasant indifference for Mr. Adventure. I thought it would be good enough. The votes are in though, and so far everyone REALLY likes him. My mom even wrote me a little note about it. Family members are calling family members who live out of town and telling them about him.

Bring a new person to Easter did make me realize that my family is a little crazier than I thought.

Mr. Adventure is so awesome.

And finally, Faux Pas has shown no more signs of colic, despite our crazy weather. I am beginning to see signs of weight gain on him, which is good since the vet wants him to gain 200 lbs. This is not SO much when you already weigh 1500 lbs.

Sunday night, right before I sat down to dinner with my family, I got a phone call saying that Faux Pas was showing signs of colic. That one word strikes fear in the hearts of horse owners everywhere. I have been very lucky the past five years to not have any potentially serious horse injuries. However, I have known plenty of horses who died of colic over the past five years.

I picked at dinner and then drove out to the farm to spend time with him, just in case. He was felling pretty good at this point. He'd been given a muscle relaxer to help him chill so that whatever was causing the problem might have a chance to move through. Finally he began to pass gas, and I had brushed away all of the dried sweat, and evidence of rolling, and it was like it had never happened.



Except that now I have the fear in me, and I know my old man is not invincible.

About noon I hit pause on my iPod so that I could listen to a "hidden track" once i was done feeding Faux Pas. That song just came on iTunes and I thought, "Sweet, I didn't get to hear this one earli... Shit! I paused my iPod eight hours ago. I wonder where it is?" Ahh, Sunday.

Just one of those days..

I've been fighting illness for a couple of days, but yesterday it was clear to me that something better needed to be done, so I made an appointment for today at 11, thinking traffic would be over and it would be late enough to wake up on time.

My lack of will power and complete excitement at having someone new to spend some time enjoying encouraged me to go out last night. I didn't do anything tiring, nor did I stay out too late, but I woke up this morning feeling as if I'd slept on a cement slab (though I had some good dreams). I couldn't convince myself to roll over and get up so I stayed put long past the time I should have and was then rushed to feed Faux Pas and get to the doctor's office. Which is across town in South Austin.

I made it on time, and then slept for a while, waiting for the doctor to appear. She prescribed cough syrup. I could have called her for that.

I tried to come home and sleep again, but the neighbors were doing something loud, and I didn't feel like getting up to close my bedroom window.

I went to work in a funk and discouraging comments from friends brought me down. The seven hours I spent at work were some of the longest hours I've ever lost.

I can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

Wednesday, at the CRACK of dawn I headed out to the horse farm to meet the farrier so that Faux Pas could get new shoes. All day I thought about riding. I was excited because I haven't been able to since he got here, and that's really all I want to do. I mean what good is cleaning out stalls when there is no reward? So I rush home after work, catch up on a couple of required projects and drive out. Saddle and tack in my truck, ready to go. I'm planning patterns, and figuring out how we'll explore the new arena first so as not to spook at a strange barrel or tree branch. I get out there at 7:45 pm and there is a horse turned out in the arena. I don't know whose it is, or where it belongs, and I can't ride while it is in there. So I decided to sulk a little. Faux Pas wound up having to work, he went on a lunge line instead, but I didn't have to work very hard. Hopefully tomorrow morning I'll be able to ride. I'm planning on being up extra early. Again.

What in God's name am I doing awake at 6am? I've been awake for over an hour. I know that I went to sleep after midnight with all of the lights on, listening to music in my jammies and a robe. But I am up now? I'm gonna narc out in the middle of the lunch shift tomorrow, or while I'm hostessing. I have a really long shift tomorrow 10am-8pm at least. I'd like to call it a double, but I know the boss won't show up early enough for me to get a break. I was supposed to have the schedule done yesterday. Maybe my guilt is keeping me up? Worry for Sara? Excitement about Faux Pas? Staying out til 6am yesterday? Maybe I've finally become one of those people (who I despise, and don't want to be) who have to get up in the middle of the night to smoke.

Have I finally attained the perfect diurnal sleep schedule?

Am I just having problems sleeping alone?

I'm having a few "alone" problems now. My Dad is out of town, Sara in the hospital now, but before her headache she was always out, or on her way. Everyday I would swear I was going to stay home, clean do laundry, play with Emma, etc. Before I'd get into my driveway I would have something lined up, someone coming over, plans for something. Tonight I didn't. I put myself in an internet coma. I read The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger. Which I am having a little trouble getting into. I think that is only because the time-line is a little strange.

Now I am up and I am realizing I need to do the schedule, and that I need to find someplace to sleep this weekend if I go to Dallas on Saturday to get Faux Pas, and decide to stay the night.

One sleep problem to another.

Goodnight.

At this point, despite Madge's reminder, I cannot remember what all I thought I would write about. Here is what I can tell you:

I have gone out several times with the very ambitious guy who made me feel like a loser, and now I do not feel bad when I am around him.

I have been on something like a blind date with a very shy guy named Gabe, who just happens to live next door to a co-worker of mine.

I talked shit about a local bar owner to her daughter, not realizing they were related, and then didn't back down or put my foot in my mouth when I found out they were. Instead I said, "Well, this is what people are saying about your mother and the bar."

I am going to pick up Faux Pas this weekend.

My sister is back in the hospital. Let's all cross our fingers and hope that the headaches go away quickly this time.

Three Weeks Go By..

October 3rd Faux Pas ran in to something in the pasture. Something that was sharper than he is apparently, because it sliced a 5 inch long cut on his shoulder that gaped open. Stitches, penicillin shots (that I administered) and three weeks later he is almost healed. Ex. #1 started a new job today, there has been lots of drama here, and I've thought longingly about Austin and the possibility of returning.

And the rats. We all put out poison for the rats at the farm and since I have found a dead one in Faux Pas's stall each morning. One morning I found a baby rat so newborn that his eyes weren't even open. I thought about taking him home, to nurse back to health ( I don't hate them so much, it is just that they eat food that I have purchased to feed my horse. This one was too young to have participated in that.) But while I considered it he died, apparently the poison had gotten to him too. I hate how often animals dies in front of me.

Maybe I'll post more soon if things calm down.

I have another blog deticated to Faux Pas now so that you don't have to be bored to death by my rattling on about him. However, if you're interested in the evolution of his training stop on by and check it out.

A Classic Beauty

Today was beautiful here in North Texas. I had to work, but it all worked out well.

When I got to work one of the waiters, G. , told me he loved "my look." When I said, "Oh? Thanks." He tried to explain. "You're skin's great - you're just so paintable." The man used daVinci in his attempt to clarify. I think he might have been looking for "classic?" Anyway, it was a nice thing to hear from a gay man; It gives the compliment merit since I know he isn't trying to get laid.

Later, other servers were talking about how much they had made in tips this morning. They made more today than I make in a whole pay period. Which brought me down, so I decided to let my boss know that I'd be interested in going on the floor. (I think that serving once I week would bring in enough extra money) Of course he followed my request by letting me know that he wanted to let go of two people that work in my area, but added that he would be able to shuffle things around after hiring new people, and would try "as long as I promise to display the same determination and attention to detail I have behind the coffee bar, on the floor." What a huge compliment! That alone made me feel better about the whole thing. I think that this means it will be a good week.

How can it not when Faux Pas will be here in 6 days?

The Faux Pas Countdown

I am moving Faux Pas up here February 26th and I am so excited I can hardly think about anything else. I've been through all of my books at least three times to double check on how I should feed, clean and work him since he's been off so long. I've also pondered the arrangement of my tack room and what I'll wear out there. I don't know how I'll make it another week. I am also extremely nervous about the actually move. 2oo miles! I'll be driving behind the trailer for about 180 of those miles, until I have to take the lead to show where we need to go. I will be a wreck!

Happy Valentines Day

Mine was quite a disappointment. Not because of Ex. #1, he was awesome. I got a charm for my charm bracelet, which sounds dorky, but visit the link and let me justify myself; and we went to Whole Foods and got food for antipasto and some wine. Tonight we had a French wine that was so good and so affordable at a mere $14. We also bought a bottle of Conundrum which we both really like, but it is about twice as much as the first bottle. We will probably finish that tomorrow on his day off.

I was a loser today. It's mid-term and I am fucking up bad. I have missed one of my classes three times in a row; two because I simply slept in here at home. I have so much work to do tomorrow and Ex. #1 will be here and that'll make it so hard. He's also talking about joining me in my effort to quit smoking. God help us both - we just might kill each other! Wish us luck!

I have settled things as far as Faux Pas goes and he should be moving up here Feb 26th. I am so excited that I am starting to aggravate Ex. #1. The only thing left to do, albeit daunting, is to find a trailer, but I think I know the place.

All should resolve itself in a matter of days.

Almost Adult

That's how I feel. It's a feeling I get when I manage to pay bills on time, complete a well rounded grocery shop, and file my tax return all in one day. I even got to class on time!

It was a little more difficult to make it through the day tobacco free, but I've managed. How many days does it take to get nicotine out of your system? I am pretending to be out of cigarettes, but not rushing to the nearest store to buy some. It's not as hard as I thought it would be and so far I've saved $8.00, which makes me wonder why I never felt so successful when previously trying to quit? Why haven't I been able to do this? After all, I gave up meat without ever looking back, what's so different?

I also feel accomplished today because I found a possible farm for Faux Pas. It is near my apartment and partial care, so I'll be cleaning out his stall and feeding him 1/2 the time, which I think will be a great way to get close to him again, and a great way to get me out there to ride more often. If I can find someone who will loan me a horse trailer, my dad has agreed to drive him up here with me which I think will be fun. My dad is the only person besides Judy, the woman currently caring for Faux Pas, that I would trust to haul my horse 200 miles. I am going to visit the new property this weekend and hopefully it is a decent place that looks safe enough. It sounds like just what I need.

However, this is where I would like to keep faux Pas if I had a job that would pay for it. Notice the picturesque red barn in the top left corner? Check out the photo section, it's like a movie set it's so pretty, and Faux Pas would look spectacular there. If I had my own place this would be it! I may go here this weekend as well, just to check it out and see what I'm missing!

...And Then VISA Called.

Oh yes, I am ruining my credit, I am bouncing checks, you name it, I am using it to plot my financial destruction as we speak. I missed my last payment, a check I wrote bounced to the one person I didn't want it to. I learned of all of this while I was waiting to find out when I would be able to go and see Sara. It pushed me over the edge and since I was alone I cried as loud as I could and did my favorite self-pitying crying bed flop. Then I went to the bank and deposited my last hundred dollars to try and save my account.
I finally got to see Sara about 6pm. Earlier in the day she had been headache free thanks to morphine, but the second she stood up it returned as a 6. I thought that it might be the horrible movie she was watchig on CMT but I could be wrong. She's eating normal food, and she wants me to bring Napolean Dynamite and magazines tomorrow. She seems really lonely and wants to see her friends. She asked me questions about Dallas, and we talked about what we'll do when she comes to see me. As I left the night nurse was giving her morphine to hold her over for the night, and I vowed to see her tomorrow before I go home.
Originally I scheduled this trip to see Faux Pas, my thereputic horse. I haven't seen him yet, but maybe I'll catch him on my way out of town. I have yet another too-good-to-be-true situation turning out to be just that, so now I am back to searching for a way to keep him.

On a happier note, Samantha and I had a fantastic dinner tonight, and then had dessert at Quack's off of Duval. It was wonderful and it helped to get my mind off of things. I previously forgot to credit Samantha for Honey, No when I mentioned it. It is SO worth seeing and easy to submit to as well. Give it a try, you'll feel better!

I can feel the tears sneaking in with my PMS.

All started out really well here. As the week has continued I have applied for 4 jobs, and I have not received so much as a second look from anyone hiring at any of the places. Did you know that the people at Whole Foods SCOFF at you when you ask about the positions they are hiring for? I wanted to spit back, "Look Bitch, you once stood at this computer too, so treat me like a person. After all, you only work in a GROCERY STORE, not Tiffany's." But instead I smiled as convincingly as I could and stood at the computer to apply for a cashier's job as people walked by me and made me feel incredibly awkward. It was like everyone who walked by knew I was unemployed and it made me a bad person. What happened to the days when people tried to recruit me?

Today I tried to apply for a job as a receptionist at a car dealership. I got up, took a shower, got dressed and put on make up, even fixed my hair. When I go in to apply for a job I picture myself working there, to get me motivated, and to try and assume what difficulties might arise. I looked up directions online and called to ask what might be the best time to come by, so as not to be in the way, and the job was already filled. I was so sure that this would be the job I would get that I even quit worrying for 1/2 an hour. I was totally deflated.

So I've been at Ex. #1's parent's house again today- doing laundry. I am getting sick of cleaning and having no where to go. I'm tired of being domestic (already) because of this lack of other things to be. If I have to fold another pair of 28" waist pants I think I'll have to go and throw up, because I've got a good six inches on him. Even if I am walking the dogs farther and farther every day I am not slimming down as I assumed I would once I was beyond the most stressful things.

And he's been great. He has had to work a lot, but he's been compensating whenever possible, helping pay for things the are unnecessary, and totally here for me. But still I miss Lauren, who sent me a text message yesterday saying the same, and I am worried about my Dad in Israel, and I miss Faux Pas, and I still haven't worked anything out, and I didn't really get to spend any time with him before I left but maybe ten minutes while Ex. #1 and the dogs waited in he car. He must hate me for not ever being around. I think I am going to go and see him first on Wednesday. I miss him so much, and Everything would be SO MUCH easier for me if he were here.

Maybe not SUCH a bad student

I am going to get at least 2 Bs. That is not horrible. I was accepted to UTD. Slowly all of the stressors are being removed. Now if only the biggest one - Faux Pas - would reslove it self. I still haven't finished the paper.

I am such a horrible student. I am supposed to be finishing up a paper that is already late, and instead I've been surfing. It's due by 3pm.
I am so very ready to leave Austin. I spent the weekend in Dallas unpacking and now I'm lonely for it. All I'm waiting on is Faux Pas. There is a new option for him, I just have to hear from the vet how his navicular is. If it is not too severe he will move to Leander to become a lesson horse. He had X-rays Monday. I wish that they would just call me back!
I can't think about this paper, all I can think about is packing and sleeping.
The apartment is WONDERFUL. Out side there are trees with changing leaves, there is a park with in walking distance with tons of birds, Millie and I played and rushed the birds. We have a gas fireplace and a large closet. It's so cool. Dec 11th will hopefully be my last night here. For all you Austinites : There will be some sort of celebration before I leave. And I'm sorry but I am so broke that this year you all get festive cards for Christmas. I know that you have all been here and can understand.
Guess I'll try and write something important about Shakespeare now.