February 26, 2006

About noon I hit pause on my iPod so that I could listen to a "hidden track" once i was done feeding Faux Pas. That song just came on iTunes and I thought, "Sweet, I didn't get to hear this one earli... Shit! I paused my iPod eight hours ago. I wonder where it is?" Ahh, Sunday.

February 24, 2006

I failed to do anything stupid last night. Despite the margaritas I kept my head together.

I love having a regular Thursday night social event. When it first began going I only knew one person, and I clung to him like lint. Now I've got several friends, not that they would take a bullet for me, but I can feel my social skills improving. One girl and I shared break up talk, though she'd only been dumped the day before.

My friend Matt (I was going to call him something else, but I'm not dating him, so he needs less anonymity) and I have been trading music back and forth. I gave him Fiona Apple and Helena to listen to, he gave me Carla Bruni. We talked about up coming shows that I probably won't be able to go to, and my sister just 'cause she's "hardcore cool." (That is her term, I thought I'd try and use it to increase my own cool.)

I have the first half of the day off, I need to get going so that I don't waste it.

February 23, 2006

So my stories must really suck because I haven't been getting any comments. I'll try and do something stupid tonight so that I can write about it. Maybe I'll meet someone; who knows what might happen tonight at Trudy's.

February 22, 2006

Just one of those days..

I've been fighting illness for a couple of days, but yesterday it was clear to me that something better needed to be done, so I made an appointment for today at 11, thinking traffic would be over and it would be late enough to wake up on time.

My lack of will power and complete excitement at having someone new to spend some time enjoying encouraged me to go out last night. I didn't do anything tiring, nor did I stay out too late, but I woke up this morning feeling as if I'd slept on a cement slab (though I had some good dreams). I couldn't convince myself to roll over and get up so I stayed put long past the time I should have and was then rushed to feed Faux Pas and get to the doctor's office. Which is across town in South Austin.

I made it on time, and then slept for a while, waiting for the doctor to appear. She prescribed cough syrup. I could have called her for that.

I tried to come home and sleep again, but the neighbors were doing something loud, and I didn't feel like getting up to close my bedroom window.

I went to work in a funk and discouraging comments from friends brought me down. The seven hours I spent at work were some of the longest hours I've ever lost.

I can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

February 21, 2006

Not So Late, Not Really Adventures

Good all the same.

I am tired now. I think that it's funny that I can have a great night, and then realize that not much happened. At least not anything the rest of you might find exciting or amusing. So let me just tell you a few things about Mr. Adventure:

I gave him the address to eleventoseven, and he reads it! Tonight I was asked two questions: "Why did you call me Mr. Adventure?" and "What ever happened with Mr. Ambitious?"

He has fabulous eyes.

When he's trying to explain something to me, that I probably don't understand, he tugs at his hair as if it will help the thought surface more quickly. I like this and the mad scientist look it gives him.

I should have let him walk me all of the way to the car, but again, he was not wearing shoes and I don't want him to feel any worse than he already does.

Hopefully we both recover from whatever it is that is ailing us soon.

February 19, 2006

Late Night Adventures

Let's do this time-line style!

6:35 pm - I'm at home talking with Mr. Adventure discussing what we should do. We decide to go to Kerby Lane Cafe, meeting between 7:15 and 7:30.

6:45 pm - I am still talking to him, realize that I need to leave or I'll be late. This is the norm for me.

7:03 pm - Oh yeah, I'm gonna be late. I am still in P-ville, buying cigarettes.

7:30-something pm - I arrive and he's waiting outside, already has us on the list. Very nice. We're both wearing Pea Coats! It's bitter cold.

Whatever five minutes later is - We have a table very close to other tables. The hostess looks like Jennifer.

9:00 pm - We are finished eating, and outside smoking - cold and shivering. He invites me over, and despite the sound of my mother's voice in my head screaming, "NO!" I said, "Okay, but I don't normally do this. I also don't ever let anyone see my car, or know where I work, but I've already broken those rules." I get into the car and call Lauren. Let her know where I'm going, what is name is and what his phone number is. I can't believe I'm doing this...

9:20 pm - We've made it to his apartment and I'm meeting his roommate's girlfriend, who is very inviting and talkative. We spend the next two hours chatting and smoking. I meet 'Cool' the neighborhood cat. Orange Tabbies are my favorite.

Almost midnight - "Want to watch a movie?" We watch Labyrinth and make fun of Jennifer Connelly's eyebrows, quoting and singing all the way. More people show up.

2:00 am - I need to go home! It's so late! Crap, I bet the roads are frozen.. He walks me to my car, though he's only only wearing socks and no jacket. He gives me a hug (like a gentleman) and says good bye. I go to leave, very pleased with the whole evening and my windshield is frozen! So I sit in my very cold car for a while, while it defrosts.

2:30 am - I haven't made it very far. The upper deck is closed and wrecks wreak havoc on 35. The drunks are out too. Yay.

3:00 am - Finally home. I send him a text message letting him know I made it, he sends one back, apologizing for springing friends on me, for fear it is too much like meeting parents. I tell him he doesn't have to wait three days to call.

Hmm...

TIRED HEAD

I had an absolutely fabulous night last night. Stayed out way too late, lets throw some icy Texas weather into the mix. My head feels like it's going to implode I am so tired. I got a good eight hours and I've only been up for an hour and a half. I'll write about my evening next. Just wanted to leave you guys hanging!

February 18, 2006

After a couple of weeks I finally got to see Mr. Ambitious. That's the problem with ambitious people, they are busy all of the time. Things didn't go quite as I had planned, and I may be to blame for that, but he didn't seem interested in discussing it. I might have one more chance this weekend to hang out with him before another busy week begins. We'll see.

February 15, 2006

An Hour and a Half Later..

and I think I'm inside out now.

February 14, 2006

I've got a new place to live!

Yeah, that's right, I'm moving into the restaurant!

Okay, not really, but that is how it feels. One of the girls broke her foot and can't work, which means I am working all of her shifts. So even if I wanted to have a life I can't. Did I ever want to smell good again? That's out too - it's grease and garlic from here on out.

I miss the Dallas Restaurant A LOT. I wish I could commute there for work. I even called them tonight to tell them how much I missed them. I really wish I could drive up there Sunday and join everyone for a shift drink on the patio after work. Chain smoking while bitching about customers is my specialty. I would actually join them for their Sunday afternoon bar hopping this time.

And I am so lonely right now I can feel it sinking in my stomach, threatening to turn me inside out.

I dreamt about him last night, but I never got to see him. I miss him.

February 12, 2006

It's been two weeks since my encounter with Mr. Meet-the-Parents. I got another email from him last night. So I finally wrote him the email I should have two weeks ago, but preferred not to. It goes a little something like this:

Here's the deal:
You need to learn how to let things breath. The art of space and indifference is one that makes all things more appealing.

I thought that you were a nice guy, and I thought that you would have made a good friend when me met. I was not physically attracted to you. If I had been given the standard "three days," I may have had time to think over that and maybe even change my mind. But you were too eager, and still are.

If I were you I would have gracefully accepted that it wasn't going to work, and moved on. I would have done this the night you found the blog.

The "parents" comment, though I found it threatening, was not the problem. You suffocated me with communication.

And about the blog? YOU found it . YOU chose to read it. (that is where I would have taken my bow, before beating a dead horse.) That's my most honest form of expression. I didn't slander your name, I made sure to keep you anonymous. It was like getting upset because you read my diary and didn't like what it said. It's not changing.

So, no. We can't be friends. It's pretty clear to me now that as much as it seemed not to be so, our personalities do clash.

Q

February 10, 2006

Tales from the Restaurant

Today was ridiculously busy. It started at 11:15, and ended at 2:30, much longer than most lunch rushes. My first table was a 16-top - a high school tennis team. Their bill consisted of 5 pizzas, a sandwich, a kid's meal and two lunch specials. Maybe $60.00. To top it off they were tax free because they are from a school. However, they took up most of my section, and put me in the weeds. Yay. As the coaches were going to pay I was standing in the kitchen and I heard my boss say, "The school doesn't include a tip?" One coach actually replied: "You can comp our meals..."

I walked up to one of the waitresses, "Oh FUCK no! I did not just give up my section during Friday rush to wait on a bunch of pizza eating (= small ticket) adolescents and get stiffed. That is bull shit!" And really guys, would it have been so hard for those two coaches to give $5.00 a piece to make sure I got paid, when they weren't going to have to pay for their own lunches anyway? That would have been the grown up thing to do.

Guess what they did instead? They made the students leave a tip. Two adults who are probably making $50,000 made kids who, if they have a job, are making less than $10.00 an hour, leave me a tip. WOW, that's an awesome, selfish, asshole thing to do. I hope I grow up to be like that.

Story #2

A girl, her boyfriend and their kid are sitting at a table near the high school horror. They each order a small salad, she orders a pizza, and he gets the lunch special. I bring out her salad and move on to the next table.

7 minutes later: "Would you guys like more soda?" Nodding. I get refills and return them to the table. "There ya go." Smile.

10 minutes later: Drop off food. "Is there anything else I can bring you?" Heads shake to indicate "No." I leave.

4 minutes later - in kitchen: Boss says, "The lady at table 12 says she never got her salad." "What? That's BS I got her the... Oh, I didn't get his. He had ranch!"

Result: I look like an ass to my boss. Did she have an opportunity to let me know I'd forgotten the salad? Yes. Twice. Should she have told me I'd forgotten it when they got refills? Yes.

The moral of the story - it's okay to tell your server that they screwed up if they did. We generally like to hear it from you, where we will apologize immediately and then fix the problem as quickly as possible, rather than from our bosses, who immediately think that we are incompetent, and threaten to shrink our sections.

The report on Poppy is good. He had an angiogram today and his doctor says he has "the arteries of a 20 year old." Playing a game of elimination, they decided that the heart failure was due to an irregular heartbeat, which stressed his heart and caused fluid to build up.

A normal person would have been able to feel this happening, and would have called EMS sooner, but Poppy has this incredible tolerance for pain or discomfort. He's the kind of guy who can get a root canal with no novocaine and just doze until it's over. His doctor is giving him a medication to regulate his heartbeat, and putting him on a home heart monitor. He should go home tomorrow.

A much happier ending than most.

February 9, 2006

Well, no riding this morning. I can only force myself awake so early. My limit is currently 7:30 am. I am hoping for tonight. I have already let my Trudy's friends know that I will not be there.

I have a bone to pick with whomever is calling the celestial shots. The past 12 months have been pretty rough for me. Anyone who reads this will back me up. Let's have a list for proof, shall we?

Sara's migraines
Jennifer's cancer and subsequent death
Janet's sudden death
Breaking up with Ex #1
Pa's sickness and subsequent death
Sara's migraines

Now: Poppy, my maternal grandfather, was picked up by EMS last night after showing extreme symptoms of heart failure. He's doing fine right now, in ICU, but it came on suddenly and out of the blue after 12 years of perfect heart health.

I think I've had enough for one year. Please, give me a break so I can get my shit together before it all falls apart again.

Wednesday, at the CRACK of dawn I headed out to the horse farm to meet the farrier so that Faux Pas could get new shoes. All day I thought about riding. I was excited because I haven't been able to since he got here, and that's really all I want to do. I mean what good is cleaning out stalls when there is no reward? So I rush home after work, catch up on a couple of required projects and drive out. Saddle and tack in my truck, ready to go. I'm planning patterns, and figuring out how we'll explore the new arena first so as not to spook at a strange barrel or tree branch. I get out there at 7:45 pm and there is a horse turned out in the arena. I don't know whose it is, or where it belongs, and I can't ride while it is in there. So I decided to sulk a little. Faux Pas wound up having to work, he went on a lunge line instead, but I didn't have to work very hard. Hopefully tomorrow morning I'll be able to ride. I'm planning on being up extra early. Again.

February 4, 2006

- - ART - -

The picture below was taken by my friend David, who has an art show, Candy Coated, coming up on February 14th.

I am the girl on the announcement, and I am in one of the pieces too, but cannot go because I work in a restaurant. I'm sad, but I'm advertising for him right now instead.

Go see Candy Coated!

Date: 2/14/ 06
Time: 8:00pm-
Location: Zubar, 2012 Greenville Ave, Dallas, TX.

Details: Doors at 8:00pm
The art, David, and DJs will be there all night. If you need more information email me or call Zubar at (214) 887-0071.


Candy Coated Posted by Picasa

February 3, 2006

This is just an assumption, not the facts.

I got home to a house littered with dog-chewed trash. Someone forgot to close the pantry door, it happens.

There were three empty yogurt containers, a chewed up zip-lock baggie, some foil among other things. I was thinking man, who ate so much yogurt yesterday?

Could it be that Sara cleaned out the fridge? She threw away all of the yogurt that has gone bad, the baggie of bacon that was left behind and then ate that last slice of foil wrapped pizza I was SO looking forward to at 3 am when I got home?

If so then my dog ate a whole bunch of just turning/really bad food.

I don't know, honestly. She looks fine, and she's acting fine. She hasn't been sick. I guess I just have to wait and see if she throws up to find out.

So, Sara, help me out. Did you eat all of the yogurt, or throw it all out?

My Narcoleptic Life

Went to Trudy's with friends tonight. Afterwards I went by Mr. Ambitious' house. I woke up 2 or 3 hours later? Thank God he's forgiving.

Maybe it's that I miss having someone to sleep next to but I am really tired of waking up and having to figure out where I am.

Of course, I'm not supposed to drink. I think that if I were to stop I'd quit falling asleep all over the place.

February 1, 2006

Motivational Mantra

I'm sitting, drinking my wonderful, cheap beer. Thunder is rolling in, finally, from distant clouds that have been spitting strobes of light for hours, never producing a sound. Tonight would be an amazing night to have someone to sleep next to: window cracked just enough to hear the sounds of the tumultuous weather outside while wrapped in one another.

I'm going to make it through this funk and come out an adult on the other side.

That adult I'm always longing for? That's who I will be when I am over this. I will have my own place. I will have a savings account again. I will have a sense of myself that has been missing.

I will be less hateful. The times I lay in bed and cry over petty offences will be few and far between. And this blossoming confidence will be a mature, noticeable thing.

I've changed since I left him. I feel prettier and I've received more compliments. Though there have been a few disappointments, I'm excited about what's to come. I know I'm going to be better when this is over.

I have the "I hate everything-s" again. I hate a really bad night, for no particular reason. Just that being alone is getting to me, and I want to do nothing and everything at the same time. Which is so difficult it's driving me crazy.

It started with an irritable day at work. I can't help it when a three hour lunch shift feels like it took the whole three hours. I was supposed to have plans with a friend of mine when illness intervened, and from there on I tried to contact all sorts of people. Finally I cried, and resolved to make my night better.

So I went to the store and bought myself a six of Negra Modelo, a lime, a frozen pizza and a bag of Mother's cookies because I needed some really disgusting sugar to ease my pain with.

I was only charged $0.99 for the beer! How exciting is that? I should have taken it as an omen, only I forgot to double check my receipt last night.

I drank a beer, watched X-files and fell asleep on the couch.

Hopefully today is better. It's Wednesday. Cute delivery guy day. Fingers crossed I manage to say, "Hi," this week.