November 29, 2005

My days have been back and forth. Ex #1 and I are still living together, still sleeping in the same room. I don't want to miss out on taking advantage of all of the things I love about him. We've been getting along really well. His new roommate is moving in already, and that is hard, but it just makes me want to get out of there more.

I almost changed my mind tonight, for a while it seemed like we could fix things. He started counseling today, and when he came home we talked and he said a lot of things he should have said months ago. If he had it might have changed everything. Instead all it did was confuse me, and I told him that, and it made me angry at him. I told him that too.

When I left the house to come up to school I called Lauren to have her remind me why I was leaving. I told her everything and she said, "I think it's great that he's working on these things, but one session isn't going to fix it. Be his friend and help him learn, and when it is all over, maybe there will be a chance for a relationship. But if it took you breaking up with him for him to see things this way, the best place for you is apart from him."

I am going to miss him so much.

Tonight we talked about how much it sucks to be an adult, and responsible for shit. After a few minutes he said, "Well, at least we get to stay up late, and watch TV. Oooh, and drink beer in bed!" And I laugh-cried because I will miss him, and I know exactly what he is talking about.

To add to my list of stresses, my car was broken into today, and the asshole stole my back pack with everything I need for papers due this week. One is due tonight at midnight, but I got an okay to turn it in tomorrow, with a copy of the police report.

There are only two things I wish I could do right now - go to sleep, and see my horse. I think I am going to go home and work on the first one.

Thank all of you who have commented, it means a lot to me. I know we all go through it, it just sucks.

1 comment:

Ted said...

It is hell reading your daughter grow up ... that doesn't sound right but it is accurate. I love you dear; remember what the first sentence of "A Road Less Travelled" is?

I am really sorry about your car too, that sucks ... the only thing that is buggin me these days is having to work with the mafia in their own country!