September 21, 2005

Well... no work done yet. I've caught up on just about everyone. R.E.M. was mentioned in one of my friend's livejournals, and now I ache for UT campus ~60 degrees and headphones on. I am wondering how long I'll be so totally homesick, or if I ever leave Dallas will I miss it? That is hard to believe. I think that Autumn in general makes me nostalgic and lonely. A more golden, less glaring sun makes me want to ride my horse, and wrap up in a blanket on my dad's couch to watch Law & Order all night.

The impending weather (Kids, this is Texas. It may look like Thanksgiving outside, but that is because it is 105 degrees outside and all of the plants are fried, not dormant.) actually makes me miss working at the hotel. I've actually considered going back to nights recently, just because the restaurant sucks so bad. I miss the solitude, and the joy of not having to deal with so many people. If I have one more woman old enough to be my mother wave her arm around in the air at me and shout, "Hey!" across the restaurant, I might just disintegrate into a pile of ashes in black clothing on the Persian rugs in the dining room. Or if one more SMU sorority bitch turns to me, right after I bring her the "just water" she asked for, while my arms are so full of dishes that I am trying to hold away from my body to keep that dressing off of my clothes and keep that steak knife from hitting another customer when you ask me for diet coke - CAN'T YOU SEE I AM A LITTLE BUSY????

I want to go home. I even wonder some times if I could do it all again, would I tell Ex. #1 over the phone, the night we decided to live together, that I would move here? That he shouldn't have to quit his job? Or would I tell him to come back to Austin, work at the country club again. Live where I am happy and stable and content. The most important friends I have - Lauren, Samantha, Ellie, Katie T. - are all in Austin, but I can't go back and see them now for all of the important things because now I have obligations in Dallas just for living here. Thanksgiving and Christmas at Katie's? With Mike's fire pit and so much delicious beer... Oh, I need that. I am anticipating the expectations Ex. #1's family will have for me to share the holidays with them but I will have to be in Austin, I'll be back the next day for work, I promise.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I miss you. I'll call you soon. There has been some nastiness around here recently and I'm not so good to talk to right now--give me a couple days. Hope you're doing well!-- Ellie