I've been in a funk for a month or two now. Just generally melancorley, unmotivated, and a little miffed that I'm living in filth and not getting anything done.
This morning I woke up feeling totally different. I've had moments of euphoria - laughing, dancing around a little while I relate a story - acting the way I do when I am happy or excited, if you know me well enough to know what that is like. I am a spazzy goof-ball. It is fun for me, and those around me who get to laugh about it. Unfortunately, this is followed by absolute exhaustion. A tsunami like attack of "tired head" (I don't know what else there is to call it), crashes into my brain - I feel it most behind my eyes, and in the center of my brain, if that makes any sense at all. This makes it hard to think, to gesture, even blink. Everything slows down until it passes.
Ah, Narcolepsy, my insidious companion. How jealous you get!
So what changed? Last night I helped Casey clean house, and while I swept and mopped, my "Top 25 Most Played" play list blared over the speakers Casey hooked up for me, and I sang as enthusiastically as I could. Using the broom as an occasional mic or dancing partner. While the floor dried I danced alone, sang to Emma, and then danced with her. Casey and I both got up to sing along and dance around ridiculously to "The Mariner's Revenge," and I cleanly sang all of the difficult phrases in "Fox Confessor Brings The Flood" and "John Saw That Number" without switching into my breathy "head voice" (remember that one, choir kids?) which is easier to control, but sounds like crap.
Emma got so worked up at one point that she was bounding around his house, hopping like a grasshopper and sliding on the tile floor.
Then I got an e-mail from Mark saying he was still interested on working together on some of his songs - which means that one day I might actually sing on a stage again, and not in a god-awful black dress or choreographed medley.
The latter part is exciting, but not what did it for me. I think that the singing and dancing is. I had more fun than I've had in a pretty long time. I almost feel like I should incorporate it into my daily routine (true, I'm too scattered to have a routine) for the sake of mental health.
When I think of it, back in high school, Lauren and I did something similar on a somewhat daily basis. To preface, there were rumors that I was a lesbian, and since Lauren and I spent all of our time together...
So we decided to just live it up. If they wanted lesbians, they'd get it. We would BLARE Melissa Ethridge, Cher, Tracy Chapman, etc. roll down the windows, and SING. I always felt great returning to school from lunch. Maybe I should do that now - spend my whole lunch break singing.
