An Hour to Go before I Run Reports and Nothing to Do!

Well, I guess my security guard has found my blog, which is a scary idea since as far as I know only three people know about it, maybe he is stalking me! I don't think so. He has, however, only spoken to me twice tonight, both times about their new dress code, and how he has to wear a sports coat of sorts. No updates concerning his next move on the property, or the trip he took to Corpus Christi this past weekend. It makes me wonder, and reaffirms my trepidation concerning what I write. Perhaps I should censor more, but does that defeat the purpose of a blog? At first I thought it was all about being able to vent, with no worries of who might catch you, the freedom of the WWW. I guess there are just not enough Qs out there for me to feel safe.
I already got to do one fun thing to kill time. I made reservations at Hotel San Jose here in Austin for me and Ex. #1's anniversary this summer. This is the first time we've done anything big since our 6 month marker, when he took me to a French bistro and realized he was madly in love with me. I know, what possibly took him so long? I think he was in denial. After all, at that point I was a high school student, and he had been out for a couple of years. Now the age difference doesn't really make matter, then it was a huge deal.
This is Ex. #1's debut. Obviously, he is my boyfriend--soon to be fiancée? We have talked about it, including tentative dates, and I showed him the spectacular ring I want from Clarksville Pottery it is the platinum ring in the Timeless Collection. Very cool ring, though I want it in white gold, I'm not very high maintenance, nor are we wealthy. What's best about it is that it is cast in an antique press, thus the antique style, and it will be extraordinarily durable because to shape it 20,000 lbs. of pressure comes down on the mold. Cool, huh? There was no way I was going to pick out an ordinary ring, that's just not my style.
Back to Ex. #1, the love of my life. Some people who know me are reading this passage with horror. It starts with, "But you're so young!" True, but do you ever just get that feeling about things? I try very hard to be attune to signs in my everyday life that the decisions I am making are the right ones for me. Call it prayer, meditation, what ever- I listen. I believe it pays off. After all, every time I have not listened I have suffered. It's been a while since that happened though. I'm sure the other thought from people who know is, "What about that seeing other people thing??" So, Ex. #1 lives 217mi from me. It's hard to see each other very often. He's only lived there since August 2003, so it still takes some adjusting. This past fall I was super stressed out with work (different job) and school and I was depressed and sleeping all of the time, it was really rough. So I went to the doctor and it turned out I had Mono, and had for a while. So my doctor puts me on a mild speed, Provilgil, and I have to change all of my other meds, which were then all hard core. I had to have a controlled substance form filled out before I could take the Provigil home, it was insane. So, there were two weeks left in school, I had to salvage my grades because I'd been unable to stay awake in class for almost two months. I was really really stressed, about to burst cause I also had to quit smoking old turkey on Thanksgiving day surrounded by family. Anyway, I wound up freaking out on Ex. #1, and we thought OK, we can't beat the odds, it wasn't working after all, and agreed to see other people, but continued to see each other too- it was too hard to let go. Turns out absolutely everyone gets hurt in this scenario, including the other girlfriend/boyfriend. So when I couldn't take it anymore, and he was about to break, and we were both miserable (but me 15 lbs. lighter because I'd been so depressed and couldn't eat. only good thing that happened here) we decided that we couldn't do that, and we would deal with the difficulty of distance.
It's amazing, because we are a better couple for it. It made us communicate on ridiculously tense levels and say things that were probably harder to say than anything we ever had before, and yet we made it, it's like making it through a hurricane.
Our communication is one hundred times better now, and for some reason right now we are on the same wave length, and he'll call while I'm thinking about him, or I won't call him too often with nothing to say (it used to be my specialty, I just wanted to hear him speak). One night he called to just to say, "You're beautiful, I love you." Which is an inside joke (one weekend I told him he should tell me I'm beautiful more often and he tacked on to the end of every sentence), and him telling me how he really feels all at one time and it was incredibly sweet. It's also normally the kind of thing I have to ask him to do, but when he thinks of those sorts of things himself he does a great job of letting me know how much he loves me. And I almost always cry.
Now I have passed my deadline, it's after 2am, Security Guard still has not spoken to me (I almost want to ask him), and I need to do work. If I finish early I'll post more. I also plan to try and get pictures on here soon. I can feel the excitement!