Note found on my phone from 11/30/22

 My brain is having a really hard week this week. I have a lot to do and though I really operate best by having like one big important task each day, that is not possible this week. Some weeks it is and I can never really tell which week it’s going to be. It makes me think of this part in my life long before I was diagnosed when I was working in a restaurant. One night the manager had to leave and I sort of swooped in and handled all of the things. At my next shift the general manager praised the work I had done and thanked me for stepping up to the plate. A  couple of weeks later I had an absolute shit show of a shift. I was forgetting tables, I lost most of my bank (I think I just dropped it in my flurry and some person walking by picked it up), I was a mess. I was working with the general manager again and she pulled me aside and asked, “What is going on? You handled everything so well a few weeks ago and we were just as busy then as we are now.”  I didn’t have an answer then. I didn’t understand my brain then the way I do now, and even now I’m only just starting to figure things out. But when I say figure things out what I actually mean is that I have given up the idea that I will ever operate “normally” for an extended period of time, and if I do try and complete too much work for too long, If I push myself too far, I will pay for it for days afterwards.

Proving my own point, I just realized that I only shaved one armpit today. If I shaved daily this would be no big deal, but since I haven’t shaved my armpits in a couple of weeks, it is very noticeable.