May 29, 2012

It still gets me, just over a year and a half later. I was sitting at my desk at work, and then I thought of that time that Poppy and I had breakfast at IHOP, and fell apart. All I remember of that particular breakfast is that he mentioned that his fairly new Toyota Camry would be his last vehicle, and that it was going to have to last him. It was the first time I had considered his mortality and it made me so sad to think of it that way, in terms of a vehicle, though it was logical for a man in his 80s to think of it. His life is a timeline of vehicles, from his chartreuse Model A Ford, purchased used in college, to his white Toyota Camry.
So here I am at my desk, on my lunch break, trying to keep my back to my co workers so that they do not see me crying in my cubicle. I'm in desperate need of a kleenex. All I want to do is go home, and wail into my mattress the way I did so many times the week after he died. This one loss has carved out such a hole inside of me, I don't know how I will ever handle any more.

1 comment:

Madge said...

::hugs::