July 7, 2010

Every one around me is sad, and it really sucks. Do you know what it is like to feel guilty about being happy? Yeah. The sentence doesn't even sound right, does it?
All of the sad people around me are sad for valid reasons, and so I feel selfish wanting to shake them and tell them to cheer the fuck up so we can have some fun together. I start to get down about it, sulk that no one else is going to enjoy this with me, so it won't be any fun. I am happiest when alone now, or for just a few minutes, here and there, when my friends are briefly visible amidst their sad fog.
MP, I am counting down the days until you get here. I think it'll shake some of the dust from our loved ones, and even if it doesn't bring them all of the way out of their sad, sad stupor, at least you and I can do something fun, and we won't have to feel guilty. When is the last time you listened to cicadas?
I miss LK, when she came back she didn't get a chance to be herself before the storm started, and now even though I get to see her, we aren't quite like we were when she left. We used to have really long, stream-of-consiousness-like conversations. Now it feels like I just talk at her. So, LK, know that I miss you, I love you, and I'm waiting for this to work out. It feels like there is a piece of me missing, so I really need for you to get better.

No comments: