October 25, 2004

I had an unsettling dream last night.

So I went searching for a meaning. http://www.sleeps.com/dictionary/ppp.html says the following about the subject of the dream.

"Pregnancy -
If the dreamer is a woman and you dream you are pregnant then you will see a big increase in your income, but if you are unwed and sad you will experience losses. For a man to dream that he is the father of the child he is warned about indiscriminate sexual relations and one night stands."

Am I unwed and sad? Definitely one, but not the other. This is the second pregnancy dream I've had in the last month. Normally that would freak me out but I am sure I am not pregnant. In the last dream when I found out I was pregnant, I also found out I was almost due. It was so real that I thought "No wonder I've gained a little weight, In this case I look damn good. " But then I realized that I had been smoking and drinking the whole time because I didn't know, and that I hadn't been taking care of myself the way I wanted and woke up feeling really sick and gross about myself.

Last nights dream was different. This time I was huge, and I had known and I was taking care of myself, but I was going to give it up. For some reason Sara Schmidt (a friend from high school) was in my dream, and there was a guy who I went to high school with who was menacingly following me. I knew that I was going to go into labor any minute, I could feel myself expecting it, but I didn't want to give the baby away, so I was trying to will myself not to. Again I woke up feeling awful like "How could I possibly do that?"

Maybe It comes from conversations I've had with Ex. #1. One of the waitresses where he works in expecting and he's been updating me. He's so impressed by how serene and glowing she is, he swears I'll be mean. Last time he was here he told me about her first pregnancy, and how her first son died of SIDS at 13 days old. It really upset me. And the fact that she's found peace with it really impressed me. I think the first dream stemmed from knowing that someone had done everything right and still lost something precious, and I feel that I am doing almost everything wrong.

But what about the second one?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have definitely had pregnancy dreams before, but they were a while ago so I don't remember them clearly. I do remember that I was happy, though. I can't wait to be a mom someday.