There are a lot of little things going on. I haven't had a cigarette in 20 hrs. only partially on my own. I decided not to buy any today at the grocery store, and then I was running late when I left for work. We'll see how long I make it. It's kind of a fun game. I don't think that this is when I'll quit, but this needs to be when I redefine how much I smoke until I do quit. I have to quit while I'm around Ex. #1, and I have to get him to help me, and get him to quit at the same time, otherwise neither of us will ever make it.

I got my monthly "Be Healthier" inspiration today. It's part of the not smoking. It stemmed as it usually does from low self-esteem and a beauty magazine, but I guess all that really matters is that I'm trying to improve myself. So I was at the grocery store buying stuff to eat the next few days. I had to include things that I can snack on in class and things I an easily eat at work. I've already fulfilled my 64 oz of water requirement and I got an e-mail from Tracey today so I'll be motivated and doing yoga tomorrow. I just need to find something that feels really naughty to eat. I always wind up missing that richness and there's never really anything that matches it for me. I need sweets, I need carbs and fats. So my spinach salad that I have for dinner doesn't look quite as good as it did when I was making it, and my dried fruit looks bleak, but I'm going to keep trying. After all, it's day one.

It's all Ex. #1's fault anyway. He whips into town and starts feeding me huge bowls of pasta heavy with cheese, and french toast drowning in maple syrup. He did stop me from buying Ben and Jerry's, but only because we need to save money.

And WHY do we need to save money? Because I am going to move to Dallas in December. Yes that's right! I'm on a quest to disappoint my whole family and it starts in the Big D. I'll be living in sin and not attending their school--hell in a handbasket! However I will hopefully be attending The University of Texas, Dallas which is almost the same school, only smaller and less expensive. If for some reason I can't make it in there I'll attend the University of Texas, Arlington but it doesn't seem as nice.

I need to be out of Austin for a while. Hopefully one day I'll get to move back. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life in Dallas, but right now Austin is not right for me. Still, I'm scared of leaving. Not like I spend a lot of time with the people I know here, but the only friends I will have in Dallas are Ex. #1's friends. I'll have to try and meet some people at school. Plus, if I don't transfer to one of our hotels in Dallas I'll work where he does, and anyone I meet will be one of Ex. #1's friends first, and I'll just be Ex. #1's girlfried. Plus he dated another woman while we were seeing other people and she lives in Dallas and I know that I'll see her. She hates me, and she makes me feel insecure. She's thin and blonde, but she's also a lot older and has wrinkles I don't have (I bought every day sunscreen today to fight that - goodbye driving tan!). She's another reason why I have to take care of myself. It's really silly, but I have to be prettier than her when I move there, and I have to be prettier than her every time I run into her. I feel extremely shallow for admitting it, but it's true.

Sounds like my Security Guard may be transfered to a day job. I hope he gets it. I hope they don't send me another screw up to replace him. Aren't there more Guards like our weekend guy?

There is a Thunderstorm coming in with winds so strong it's blowing open one of our doors over and over. It's also blowing the fans in the ceiling open and closed so that they make a monstrous noise like a cookie sheet in the oven warming up and shifting and making popping noises.