How Do You Explain to a Man Why Flowers Are Important?

The free will astrology just wasn't good enough to post today. I didn't smirk, or feel enlightened, so no use in posting it.

I got to see Alex while I was in NY with my dad and it was fun. you can see his comment on my last entry to see me in front of a great bagle shop we found.

As Alex and I said goodbye it felt odd. I got the feeling that I might never see him again and that maybe I should not have talked over him that night I met he Sam and emily at Spiderhouse (though I was on a stimulant then, and not talking proved to be dificult). Or maybe I should have talked to him more before the party he invited me to where I feel like we actually became friends, before then I think he and I both saw me as one of Samantha's friends (the curse of the couple's friends senario). So now I feel like I've been cheated out of the chance to have a great friend. Now there is the emence amount of distance, and so little to really tie us together besides two fantastic blogs. Not to mention I am so good at keeping in touch with people.

I could be totally wrong. My Dad may have a project coming up in Manhattan. That would put me back in the city and Alex and I could get on another subway that doesn't go where we need it to and catch up. I could be uncharacteristicaly on top of things and keep up with him and meet him at some other time when he and I are doing other things - who knows. I think that the uncertainty of it bothers me most.

Ex. #1 came to Austin to see me yesterday. He was supposed to come for the weekend but his schedule got messed up at work. I feel really bad for him because I am so busy during the week and such a different schedule that I've hardly seen him. It's like I still miss him. I wish I had the time to just lay in bed with him and soak up what I have so that it'll last until the next time I see him.

To be totally honest I was mean to Ex. #1 when he arrived last night. Previously when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday I said flowers. Twice. I knew he wouldn't drive up with them but I had hoped. I was right and it made me mad. It was all I had wanted, and I can't seem to convey to him how important it is to me without sounding petty. It's important though. I wound up reminding him today and he said, "Well, I haven't left yet." which means he forgot and I don't know that he'll remember before he leaves tomorrow. Then I will be very upset. I'll feel silly for it too, but they really are important to me. I've never gotten any from him and I've been asking for them for nearly three years. He gave some to the trial girlfriend, which makes me feel like it was more important to impress her or keep her happy. She never had to ask. He has decided to spend the rest of his life with me. Doesn't that make me more important? I deserve flowers.