Work Worry

As of the writing of this post, I work from home.

I have come very close to quitting a couple of times before - even put in my two weeks' notice - but each time I got a counter offer from the company I work for, and I stayed.

Things are hard right now. Bonnie gets bored easily, Estelle is like a caffeinated squirrel most days: grabbing whatever she can and running away with it, climbing on  any and all structures, and if you mention "bathroom" or "potty" she stops everything and says "I WANT TO POTTY!" and starts to  take off her diaper. I do not have the energy for potty training yet. I have switched to stating "I have to visit the lavatory," when I am leaving the room. Two nights ago, Casey posed the question again: Would it be better if I wasn't working?

My expenses are minimal. My paycheck covers my credit card payment, fun stuff like music classes, and I contribute to my car payment. I like having those things. I like being able to make conscious purchasing decisions, even if that  means I have to spend a little more money, because we have it. I am not so crazy from stress yet that it seems like a worthwhile trade-off.

I feel like while I work from home the boredom of being stuck here and not really having me to play with is beneficial, to a point. I try not to put on the TV because Bonnie has very big emotional fall out from TV watching, for some reason. The girls are left to build forts, read, play with dolls, play dough, play supervised in the inflatable pool while I work outside. It makes ample room for creativity and imaginative play.

If I were not working, we would be able to slow down. It would be easier for me institute the weekly activities I always imagine: Weekly library, Thinkery, playground or splash pad visits. I'd be able to encourage more independence because waiting for someone to finish a task wouldn't be a make-or-break issue as often. I could be more involved in B's school (It is a co-op, and requires parents assist in the class room. Right now, Casey does the helping, and I stay home with E).

If I quit working, then what do I do in a few years? Do we have a third kid? Do I go back to work after a few years off? Do I focus on creative work, or volunteer more at schools and organizations close to my heart? Decide to start my own business? Do I work cleaning stalls so that I can be around horses more, or try and get a gig as a baker so that I don't have to work with the general public? Wait tables so that I never have to bring work home?

Would it be easier if I quit working? Yes. Are the 'unknowns' too scary for me to really consider it right now? Yes.

Glad we had this talk.