February 25, 2011

I tend to forget that my grandfather was not at the wedding. It's like looking at a one of those panoramic school photos. At first glance there are so many people that your brain assumes that everyone from your grade is there. It isn't until you really pay attention that you realize who was absent that day. I suppose it is a way for my brain to save space. When it previews "wedding," it sees "family." Poppy is in the "family" group, so he must be in the "wedding" group as well.

A kiss on the cheek from Poppy had a tendency to be wet. Whenever I left Andy and Poppy's house I would go over to his chair to say goodbye, and then as I walked through the entry hall and wipe my hand over my cheek to remove any excess wetness.

This morning when I woke up I had forgotten Poppy is dead. I had dreamed that I was looking at wedding photos with a room full of people I know. When we were saying goodbye he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. The dream is already slipping away, but I'm pretty sure the he told me that they were "just super" which is better than any other description I could have gotten.

Even though I am crying and crying as I write this, I am so happy that I had that dream. I miss him, and I don't think I would have remembered that detail of him without my subconscious dredging it up for a dream. Now when I remember that the wedding was not like my mind's template has it mapped out, that he was absent that day, at least I know he's seen the pictures and approves.

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