November 9, 2009

Living Near Friends: I love you - go home.

Casey and I are lucky enough to have our closest friends close by. His best friend lives two doors down; we're good friends with one of our sets of neighbors; a handful of other friends live within walking distance. We are never lonely.
That is the problem. I can't tell you the last time Casey and I had a night all to ourselves. We can't even keep up with all of the people near-by, and we feel bad when we have to decline invitations, but there is only so much we can do. I see some friends more often than I see family, and I am pretty close to most of my family.
Casey's friend two doors down shows up throughout the night at will, like Kramer. Sometimes I get a little irritated - after 10:30 pm, when the door is locked and he doesn't let us know he is coming (Emma goes nuts when he knocks or tries to come in when it is locked), less than 10 minutes after I get home from work. Last night he came over while we were watching movies, about 8 pm. He gave Casey a quizzical look for being in PJ pants. This is one of the problems with having friends so close. If I want to walk around in PJs sans bra at 8 pm I should be able to. I should be able to lock my door, turn off my porch light and have an evening alone with my fiance. If we mention where we are going to dinner it shouldn't automatically be an invitation. If I want to be alone I shouldn't have to suffer through the dog barking while someone tries to get me to come to the door. I should be able to relax and be comfortable in my house. Whenever I want.
It is not just him. We have other friends who overstay their welcome, or do things I think are inappropriate. And friends, I love you. I do not mean this as a blanket statement, it is just that I am a little irritated right now. Please realize That Sunday is the only day Casey and I have off together. The rest of the week he has school until 9 pm, I go to bed about 10:30. I know that some of you are single and might think I am being selfish, or spend all week waiting for the weekend when your life is more normal and you can get a break with friends. My life doesn't work that way. I don't get a weekend. I get Sunday and Wednesday, and that is it. I have these dreams of a shut-in weekend where we stay home and pretend to be out of town, except with so many friends within a mile radius that would be impossible. We would be found out within minutes.
The gist of it is this: I am too chicken to come out and explain to anyone face to face why I need a break. Let me assure you, lack of time alone with Casey has far-reaching consequences. Since I quit smoking, I don't have any ways to deal with stress and frustration. This means I am going to be angry and crying soon, and no one wants that.


Ellie said...

I only have one friend who does that, and she does it within totally reasonable hours, but it's still distressing. If I had to live like that I would go out of my mind. I'm sorry. On that note, I would love to get together with you but I'm also willing to wait until 2010 to do it. :)

Sam said...

Oh yeah, we have this too. A Sunday morning drop in (no call) this weekend interrupted our entire days worth of plans. And whenever I call Rob to chat he invites himself over because he's "bored."

Also, who are these people that WALK IN TO OTHER PEOPLES HOUSES? I had a bit of a rampage once when a friend let himself in when Ryan and I didn't answer the door because we were having sex. Yeah, not ideal.

jes said...

You need me to talk to some peeps for you?? :) Does you-know-who read your blog? Cause if so you may have just remedied it :)