Bad night, bad lingering feeling. Where is my Boys on the Side DVD when I need a good cry? I wish I knew! Maybe I'll go out to P-ville and retrieve my copy of The Fountain from my Dad, and cry over that. Something to try and flush out this utterly disgusting and dreary feeling.

In the mean-time I'll try and slip back into my constant effort towards simplifying my life. Anyone interested in having a garage sale? I don't think that I have enough stuff to sell to have my own, but if a few of us got together...? Cleaning / purging always makes me feel better and clears out my head. I could use a little cash, too.

Maybe I'll go out to the Green Belt on my first wedding-free weekend and work off some of my trouble.

I'm trying really hard not to drink about it this time; It always makes it worse. I'm always sad for a day or two after I drink much. Plus, I don't really have the funds for it.

OR tonight I'll turn up all of the songs I like to sing and dance to, as loud as I can stand, and do just that - sing and dance myself into endorphin-thick high spirits. Emma never laughs at me, so she can come, too.

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All things at the horse farm turned out fine according to the owner. I woke up to seriously loud hail about 12:30 and VERY high winds. It didn't last too log, though, and I eventually got to try and fall asleep for the third time. I have never had as much trouble sleeping as I have the past couple of nights. Maybe it's time to try the Lunesta.

I'm not quitting smoking right now. I just can't handle it. The thought of it makes me long for the day I can say I've quit while I hyperventilate over the fact that "there is just no fucking way I can do that." I don't have the strength or patience to evoke contradictory reactions like that right now, so I just continue.